Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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