Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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