Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
