its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
