Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
