Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize