like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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