This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
