I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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