I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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