ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
