she was so not down for the gang bang
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
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I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
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She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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