he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
