So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
