I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
