I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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