handjob tips. give me some.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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