so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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