Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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