I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
