im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
