There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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