After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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