Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
