she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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