Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
