He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
