so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
