You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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