WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
