It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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