she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
