You work out of a Hotel?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
