I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
