did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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