sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
