But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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