He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
