don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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