allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
