Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
