Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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