that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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