8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
