so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
