he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
