so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
