True but thats because hes a fetus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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