My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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