Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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