Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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