I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
