girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
