she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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