I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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