I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
two words: eviction party
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
