its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize