just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
