i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
