Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
