he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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