I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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