hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
