This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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