Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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