It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
