I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
