You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
