BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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