I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
