I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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