I wanna passion pit in your ass
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I just went to clothing optional bar
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
