Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
