he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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