That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
