So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize