SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
