My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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