My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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