I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize