Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
