Porn is love you can see.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
