nut hugger
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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