If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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