She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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