awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
