I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
