Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
