He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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