I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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