Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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