you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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