What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
