I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
