I can tuck mytits in my pants
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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