My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
